![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
Anyway so today's activities went as follows:
11:00am: Went to work
2:00pm-8pm: At work listening to my new favourite song "Night Reconnaissance" by the Dresden Dolls (I should also mention during this time I couldn't wait to get home and work it out on piano)
8:10pm: got home after work & started listening and transposing
8:20-9:00: sister calls for homework help
9:00: My stepmom tells me she's going to bed (This is where I consider to continue to play or not because I might disturb her)
And I think I'm going to write in sentences now, coz the above format is hard to write into and crappy. So yeh, I eventually decided that I would just listen and write the chords I thought it was on a sheet of paper, and wait for her to sleep so I could put the practice pedal on and play what I wrote...so I did that and started playing around 10:45? I think...anyway it's now 1:00am and I just finished because my stepmom called out to me and says: "美琳。 你还没有睡觉！？" as in shut the fuck up! - Omg it's sooo annoying, I agree that 1:00am is kinda late for most people, but before at 9:00 when I didn't play to be considerate is BULLSHIT....who the fuck sleeps at 9pm!? I only just got home, and I was looking forward to playing all day...God it's just soooo frustrating living with other people...especially my stepmom...I mean I don't complain or be rude when she invites her rudeass shitty friends over when I'm practising guitar, I just stop playing and wait for them to leave...and I still have to endure their rude remarks...like the last one...she walks in and says to my stepmom in Chinese, right infront of my face: "他是男的还是女的？" - I was like....OMG u fucking rude shit!!!! I just sat there while Linda explained to her that I understood Chinese (even if I didn't she's still rude to talk infront of someone in another language she assumes they don't know and insult them) and anyway, the fucking bitch didn't even appologise, instead she continued to ask Linda: "真的我看不出来是男的还是女的" - then just smiled at me....I was like just about ready to slap the asian out of her! Fucking hell...and somehow this was funny to linda...anyway, I went to get a drink about half an hour later, and Linda kinda introduced me to the bitch, and we were talking for a pretty short while and she said something like: "你说中文的时候带东北口音" - so I explained why and then asked her which part of China she was from...and then Linda butts in before she answers and says to me: "That's so rude! You don't just ask someone where they're from!" -I was seriously about to punch the crap out of both of them....it's not as if I asked if she was a woman or not!? - Fuck this is what I mean about living with a psycho....and all I can say is, she better fucking go out tomorrow so I can play and record my transposition becoz if she doesn't, and she interrups or complains, I'm likely to break something, and unfortunately I'm too nice, to allow that thing to be her face!
HAIH!!!!! well anyway, I think that's the end of my rant! - Here's the vid and lyrics of the song in question by the way....it's fucking awesome...if you like this you should download more of the Dresden Doll's stuff...like Sing, Dirty Business, Christopher Lydon, Mrs O, Missed Me, Shores of California, Sex Changes, Good Day, Half Jack and Coin Operated Boy, just to name a few of the BEST!!! hehe
So here you are, enjoy...and goodnight!
Night Reconnaissance - The Dresden DollsHAIH!!!!! well anyway, I think that's the end of my rant! - Here's the vid and lyrics of the song in question by the way....it's fucking awesome...if you like this you should download more of the Dresden Doll's stuff...like Sing, Dirty Business, Christopher Lydon, Mrs O, Missed Me, Shores of California, Sex Changes, Good Day, Half Jack and Coin Operated Boy, just to name a few of the BEST!!! hehe
So here you are, enjoy...and goodnight!
Nothing is crueler than children who come from good homes
God'll forgive them I guess but whose side are you on
Driving around the old town I remember it all
Dropping my lunchbox and tampax all over the hall
(And they said) you are a socialist cokehead we know from your clothes
You are a Satanist worshipper oh that's evil
Think you're a poet a folksinger poseur nah-oh
A volleyball player you've got to be kidding us all
So we hide from the cunts on our night reconnaissance
Steal flamingos and gnomes from the dark side of the lawn
No-one can stop us the script is a work of genius
No-one has bought the rights yet but we're not giving up
Every unwanted lawn jockey fits in the script
Directed by spielberg and starring the masochist club
Mary you look like hell
Stuck in that ridiculous shell
Give us some light and god's pure love
We know what you've been dreaming of
Give us some light and god's pure love
We know what you've been dreaming of
Give us some light and god's pure love
We're taking you to Hollywood
"HOLLLLEEEEEEEEWOOD!!!!"
So we hide from the cunts on our night reconnaissance
Steal flamingos and gnomes from the dark side of the lawn
One is a socialist cokehead we dress in my clothes
One is a Satanist worshipper of things evil
One plays a poet who starts up a band of his own
One is a volleyball player with both her wrists broke
we hide from the cunts on our night reconnaissance
Steal flamingos and gnomes from the dark side of the lawn
And we give them good homes give them love they've never known
In the loft of the barn in the town where I was born
In the loft of the barn in the town where I was born
In the loft of the barn in the town where I was born
- where::Bed
- feeling::
pissed off - listening to::The Dresden Dolls - Sex Changes
WISHMASTER
BY
Night Wish
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Elbereth
Lorien
A dreamy-eyed child staring into night
On a journey to storyteller`s mind
Whispers a wish speaks with the stars the words are silent in Him
Distant sigh from a lonely heart
"I`ll be with you soon, my Shalafi"
Grey Havens my destiny
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Silvara
Starbreeze
Sla-Mori the one known only by Him
To august realms, the sorcery within
If you hear the call of arcane lore,
Your world shall rest on Earth no more
A maiden elf calling with her cunning song
"Meet me at the Inn of Last Home"
Heartborne will find the way!
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Wishmaster
Crusade for Your will
A child, dreamfinder
The Apprentice becoming...
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
BY
Night Wish
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Elbereth
Lorien
A dreamy-eyed child staring into night
On a journey to storyteller`s mind
Whispers a wish speaks with the stars the words are silent in Him
Distant sigh from a lonely heart
"I`ll be with you soon, my Shalafi"
Grey Havens my destiny
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Silvara
Starbreeze
Sla-Mori the one known only by Him
To august realms, the sorcery within
If you hear the call of arcane lore,
Your world shall rest on Earth no more
A maiden elf calling with her cunning song
"Meet me at the Inn of Last Home"
Heartborne will find the way!
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Wishmaster
Crusade for Your will
A child, dreamfinder
The Apprentice becoming...
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
- where::Desk
- feeling::
Going Dark & Crazy! - listening to::Wishmaster -Nightwish
Meanwhile...I'm going to continue to listen to opera metal and wait for my eardrums to blow! (hopefully they'll blow before something else does)
- where::My Desk
- feeling::
fucking explosively ANGRY!!! - listening to::Full Moon-Sonata Arctica
-people who I used to see frequently and have a good time with, who I haven't seen for years, and when I bump into them it's just a "Hi, long time no see?! How are you.......Ok I gtg meeting someone take care alright"-the full on 'acquaintance greeting that I receive very often from people who were at one stage a LOT more than acquaintances.
-guys who I liked in high school who I knew would never want to be with me, so I just had my secret crush...and now they are with people that I though were well below myself in the ranks...
*and the list goes on*
But what hurts a lot is seeing where those friends ended up, and looking at pictures of a group of people who were once very close friends of mine all together and happy....living what seems to be a great life...I guess in a way I'm jealous...I know there's a reason why we drifted apart etc, but there's still a part of me that thinks...."If I hadn't dedicated so much of my time in the past to *one* particular friend and focussed on building and maintaining my friendships with my other friends, then maybe I would be in those photos and be leading that almost "happy" life...I know that before I was quite content to spend all my time with that *one* friend....but now he's dead, I wonder why I didn't take out friendship insurance...and I regret many things, because if I HAD taken the proper precautions, then I wouldn't be feeling like this and hating my life...and I wouldn't wish to have other peoples' lives.
haihh...Anyway....
~88~
- feeling::
nostalgic - listening to::Ballerina- Leona Naess
In the same way, I've been focusing on some things to get my life back on track...mainly these things are as follows:
-don't work around the clock, knock off at knock off time, take my shit home and read it/learn it in comfort...[I just feel the pressure of my life is getting to me lately, and also taking a toll on my body, need to relax more often, although I'm strapped for time, there are still wasted opportunities.]
-do more exercise [put on weight over Christmas, hating myself for it, and wanting to be in general healthier...the plans in action for this goal are: joining the uni badminton team this year, I quit smoking, setting an exercise schedule 3/4 days a week, and sleeping + eating better]
-find a boyfriend [so over all the shit that I had to deal with to do with relationships in 2007 (even the recent ones). It's time to move on, and I just want to find a guy who'll be there for me, love me for who I am, and have some sweet attribute that will make me love him back....that's all I ask....is this so fucking hard? Or am I like that bloody unlovable...don't get me wrong, millions of guys are going after me, the problem is, they all seem to be either assholes OR jerks....hmmmm how to choose *rolls eyes*]
-create some sort of balance in my life, balance between: work, study, sleep, eating, relaxation and exercise...[I need everything to be equal, I'm sick of this run-down feeling that I feel after every day...I'm only 20, not 45, and I don't need to get grey hair any time soon!]
Anyway, that's enough of an update for now, hopefully that's fixed my writers block according to livejournal...and maybe it'll bring some sort of luck into my life....
(also ppl....STOP asking me about NY ok? It absolutely SUCKED *apart from the people I was with* there was no reason to have a NY, so yeh....actually if I had the power I would remove the sun permanently from the sky so that no one even knew when NY was...but I don't have any power...so that will remain a theory....)
Bye 4 now
~美~
- feeling::
disappointed - listening to::The Funeral - Band Of Horses
Anyway...enough...the more I talk about it, the more it pisses me off...also if anyone has any advice what to do, then please post a comment and tell me!!! plz...(btw...Rick just told me to go to google and check there, but I found nothing...so that option's already been explored...)
~meanwhile...I think I'm doing my usual thing...looking for a guy because I'm lonely...either that, or I'm just somehow finding a LOT of guys around me very attractive and noticably interested in me....the biggest problem of all is, the one guy that I would consider is I'm pretty sure a playboy...so sweet...and also I don't think I should be getting into another relationship now anyway...aiya...I think I have a disease...can't stay single for long enough...but on the other hand, I feel I should be out there trying to wade through all the guys and find the one that's right for me...as u see, I'm kinda already 20...and it's freaking me out...the more I think about it, the more I think I'm going to get old and die a spinster!!! AIYA!!! no way! This CAN'T happen to me!:S
Anyway....sh**...I'm sooo scared now! I think I'm a freaky person....really...and I look for things for the wrong reasons...I only hope that one day, while doing this I'll stumble upon someone who is the right person...and it'll somehow cure my disease....:S
~Help~
- feeling::
Am I Crazy? - listening to::How Many Times~1TYM
嗯好的，我明天早上上班，所以呢，就写到这儿，
~美琳~
- where::屋里
- feeling::
optimistic about the future - listening to::记得吗？李圣杰
- People who you are nice to, go out of your way to help and they never return the favour, or never even appreciate it and just take it for granted (if you're reading this, and you're thinking "Is this me?"-don't worry it's probably not, because these people don't even give a stuff enough about me to read this journal-even though I read theirs)
- People who give you unasked advice about a situation they've never been in, don't understand but pretend to and ultimately have no fucking idea what it's like to be in the situation, but give this somewhat "holy, divine" advice that is meant to make me feel better, or meant to make me calm down about certain aspects of what the situation is...to those people, all I can say is, I hope something like this happens to you one day, and I'll be the one there giving you bullshit advice, and telling you to "get over it" and "move on with your life" and I'll also pretend like it's an easy thing to do, and that I've been there and done it before, and just make u feel worse because you can't accomplish what the "MAGNIFICENT ME" did.
- My Dad, for never being here for anyone, and even when he's here just being an asshole and paying attention only to his wife and not an ounce to me, and also whenever she asks my opinion on somthing and I give it, my Dad always shuts me down, and says something like "yeh, well we don't care what you think, it's my decision", or "I'm not making plans involving you, you'll move out soon, and not when you're 65 either, in the next year would be good"
- My Stepmom for getting some sort of pleasure out of these above situations, and for deliberately making me feel like I do nothing and never saying "please" and "thankyou" and just expecting I have to put up with her Sh**, and also for telling everyone that "Oh. Meilin doesn't clean, I do it all" or...laughing when my mum says something like "Actually Meilin's pretty clean and tidy it's Brenton that doesn't lift a finger around the house"
- My Mum for living in the past all the time, if it wasn't for this I'd probably be living with her right now. I'm just sick of the emotional blackmail and the using that she does...she's a lovely person in many respects, but I can't fucking stand the complications that come with that.
- Myself, for not finding a way to be happy yet, and for not deciding to end my life sooner before all this shit got worse...also for being too compassionate and caring about other people's feelings who don't really give a stuff about me, and even those that try to care, have no where near the amount of love for me that I do for them, and yet still can't see a difference.
Personally I think the rest of the world is blinded by their own individual happiness and "being busy" to be able to see the true form of someone elses grief and demise...There are some that can see the surface, but that's all they'll ever see, because they either don't want to or don't care enough to actually try to help or dig deeper into the problem...however when something similar happens to them, they expect you to be there and be helping them through their situation.
I'm sick of selfishness and I'm sick of false friendships...however I can't seem to turn myself into one of these people, not even enough to give them back all the shit they've dealt to me...so If I can't be like that, and I can't handle other people treating me like this...then at the end of 2008, and nothing has changed...what other choices do I have left? And you know the ironic thing...most of these people will start to understand how I feel now, but only after it's too late... and then people will do the same to them....give them false situations and false advice and then these people will be lead into my predicament....and honestly I don't really see another way...when you lose something that you loved and had no control over saving, you don't feel like living anymore, infact you don't feel like doing anything anymore...it's just unfortunate that the more people realise this, the more people will start to feel in the same predicament, because they realised too late...I don't know maybe I'll even start a revolution of suicides...but I doubt that many people love/care enough about me to even get near the situation I'm in now, and well lucky for them...
I WILL FOLLOW YOU INTO THE DARK - DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE
Love of mine
Someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light
Or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "No"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In catholic school
As vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised
By a lady in black
And I held my tongue
As she told me, "Son,
Fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "No"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me
Have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes
Are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
But it's nothing to cry about
Because we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "No"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
***
Love of mine
Someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light
Or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "No"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In catholic school
As vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised
By a lady in black
And I held my tongue
As she told me, "Son,
Fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "No"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me
Have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes
Are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
But it's nothing to cry about
Because we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
And illuminate the "No"s
On their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
***
- feeling::
a faceless void - listening to::I Will Follow You Into The Dark-Death Cab For Cutie
*Saw this movie at it's first screening in Adelaide with my brother, it is the most AWESOME movie ever made, and something a few days ago made me look up videos to it on youtube....so here's a video with clips from "V For Vendetta" put to one of my favourite songs by Depeche Mode, Remixed by Mike Shinoda "Enjoy The Silence"....If you haven't seen this movie yet, you better go rent it...It's beautiful*
"Remember, remember, the fifth of November,
the gunpowder treason and plot.
I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot"
"Remember, remember, the fifth of November,
the gunpowder treason and plot.
I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot"
- feeling::
thinking thoughts to think - listening to::Die With You-Blutengel
FORSAKEN
(DISTURBED)[Originally wrote and performed by KORN]
I'm over it
You see I'm falling in the vast abyss
Clouded by memories of the past
At last, I see
I hear it fading
I can't speak it
Or else you will dig my grave
We fear them finding
Always winding
Take my hand now
Be alive
You see I cannot be forsaken
Because I'm not the only one
We walk amongst you
Feeding, raping
Must we hide from everyone
I'm over it
Why can't we be together
Erase it
Sleeping so long
Taking off the mask
At last, I see
My fear is fading
I can't speak it
Or else you will dig my grave
We fear them finding
Always winding
Take my hand now
Be alive
You see I cannot be forsaken
Because I'm not the only one
We walk amongst you
Feeding, raping
Must we hide from everyone
You see I cannot be forsaken
Because I'm not the only one
We walk amongst you
Feeding, raping
Must we hide from everyone
Everyone
Everyone
Everyone [fading out]
- feeling::
bloodthirsty - listening to::Forsaken (Disturbed)
Apologise - One Republic
I'm holding on a rope
Got me 10 feet off the ground
I'm hearin' what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me then you go and cut me down
But wait
You tell me that you're sorry didn't think I'd turn around and say:
That it's too late to apologize
Too late
Said it's too late to apologize
Too late
I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
I need you like a heart needs a beat, it's nothing new
Yeah
I loved you with a fire red now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry, like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid
It's too late to apologize
Too late
Said it's too late to apologize
Too late
I'm holding on a rope
Got me 10 feet off the ground
LIFE WITHOUT YOU ISN'T WORTH LIVING
I wish I could apologise, and I wish you could be here to apologise to me too...
:'(
Got me 10 feet off the ground
I'm hearin' what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me then you go and cut me down
But wait
You tell me that you're sorry didn't think I'd turn around and say:
That it's too late to apologize
Too late
Said it's too late to apologize
Too late
I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
I need you like a heart needs a beat, it's nothing new
Yeah
I loved you with a fire red now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry, like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid
It's too late to apologize
Too late
Said it's too late to apologize
Too late
I'm holding on a rope
Got me 10 feet off the ground
LIFE WITHOUT YOU ISN'T WORTH LIVING
I wish I could apologise, and I wish you could be here to apologise to me too...
:'(
- where::Life...
- feeling::
missing you so badly...:'( - listening to::Apologise (One Republic ft. Timberland)
There's a certain point where:
What you have is never enough,
Where you are isn't where you want to be.
The future you wish for is undefined. . .
What you had you'll never have again,
And, when you had it you took it for granted.
Who you are isn't who you want to be,
Who people think you are is someone you don't recognise
How you feel is sad, angry, defeated, and alone,
There's no one to blame, and no one to left to explain,
Just you, the world and all the pain. . .
What you have is never enough,
Where you are isn't where you want to be.
The future you wish for is undefined. . .
What you had you'll never have again,
And, when you had it you took it for granted.
Who you are isn't who you want to be,
Who people think you are is someone you don't recognise
How you feel is sad, angry, defeated, and alone,
There's no one to blame, and no one to left to explain,
Just you, the world and all the pain. . .
- feeling::
depressed - listening to::For the fatherless, Sufjan Stevens
Where Is The Love~Mojave 3
Jennifer says that you've changed
She says that you're talking so strange
She laughed when I told her I'd messed
You around, tried to be kind when I cried
Where is the life that we had
Where is the love
Where is the hand that I held
Where is the love
Sister don't ask me
I'm a fool I'm a liar
And I can't see home
I saw you last week when you cried
You threw me aside with a line
Wish that I could just tell you I care
I love you I need you and I'm still scared
Cathy I'm cold I don't mean to be bold
But I need you to find me again
I'm wasted I'm fried I'm a fool I'm a liar
But I need you to hold me again
Where is the life that we had
Where is the love
Where is the hand that I held
Where is the love
Sister don't ask me
I'm a fool I'm a liar
And I can't see home
Where is the life that we had
Where is the love
Where is the hand that I held
Where is the love
Jennifer says that you've changed
She says that you're talking so strange
She laughed when I told her I'd messed
You around, tried to be kind when I cried
Where is the life that we had
Where is the love
Where is the hand that I held
Where is the love
Sister don't ask me
I'm a fool I'm a liar
And I can't see home
I saw you last week when you cried
You threw me aside with a line
Wish that I could just tell you I care
I love you I need you and I'm still scared
Cathy I'm cold I don't mean to be bold
But I need you to find me again
I'm wasted I'm fried I'm a fool I'm a liar
But I need you to hold me again
Where is the life that we had
Where is the love
Where is the hand that I held
Where is the love
Sister don't ask me
I'm a fool I'm a liar
And I can't see home
Where is the life that we had
Where is the love
Where is the hand that I held
Where is the love
- feeling::
crazy - listening to::Where Is The Love - Mojave 3
Mojave 3 ~ Hard To Miss You
Wish that I could make you laugh and make you feel whole again,
I can not lay here on this line.
Wish that I could see you now, standing there without a care,
I guess you'd make me smile.
I'ts hard to miss ya, it's hard to miss ya...
They say the world's a smaller place but they dont' say it to your face,
it's a pretty stupid thing to say.
I don't feel it in my space, I don 't feel ya in my space,
I just want to see ya in my space
It's hard to miss ya, it's hard to miss ya...
Wish that I could make you laugh and make you feel whole again,
I can not lay here on this line.
Wish that I could see you now, standing there without a care,
I guess you'd make me smile.
I'ts hard to miss ya, it's hard to miss ya...
They say the world's a smaller place but they dont' say it to your face,
it's a pretty stupid thing to say.
I don't feel it in my space, I don 't feel ya in my space,
I just want to see ya in my space
It's hard to miss ya, it's hard to miss ya...
- where::Who Knows
- feeling::
... - listening to::Hard To Miss You - Mojave 3
moving on....
so we went to see this movie that I've been worried about.....ok....to put an entirely NEW way to freak me out and make me feel even MORE weird and uncomfortable, in the trailers, was a trailer about all these movies that you just HAVE to see in a cinema...then in the middle of the trailer, to my surprise,shock and uncomfort the same James Dean quote that I used in Nick's funeral speach appeared on the screen it freaked me out, it has nothing to do with what they were advertising...and it really set me off....infact I almost cried.....so I've been feeling like this eversince TTP....came home....wrote this journal...and to top it off an make it worse, while I was writing this journal in the space of 5mins I heard two songs from two different adds, in the same addbreak that mum was watching on TV....those 2 songs just happen to have NEVER been in an add before and also aren't new, and not THAT well known...the first was "lightening crashes" a song that Nick sung and video recorded himself singing for youtube....so a pretty emotional song anyway, and the other "Shine On" by Jet...this song was interesting....after the funeral, Nick's singing teacher came up to the McInerney house and said..."hey guys....I think you should listen to this song, I think Nick would have wanted you to hear it...." - so we all sat down and listened to it....I cried soooo much that night....and everytime I hear the song now....it pretty much just reduces me to tears....so that makes my day even better....
I just think that today, of all days has been the weirdest most coincidental and most upsetting day I've had in a long time, and under the circumstances, I can't believe that anyone who hasn't been what I've been through would be upset by it....infact most people wouldn't even notice the difference...
Anyway....I don't want to write anymore about it....it's just freaking me out....but I am worried (and I'm not even a supersticious person....infact I hate that shit!) but I'm scared somehow that after my brother and sister finish watching the OC, that someone else close will die....or something bad will happen....and I almost wanna ban them from watching it...I think I'm going insane, and I seriously think I need to be put away...I don't enjoy life anymore, instead I'm scared by it....
Jet~Shine On
- where::Computer Room @ Mum's
- feeling::
uncomfortable - listening to::about to listen to shine on....
Chierkh: "maybe you're dying"
Mum: got the flu "it's killed heaps of people already you should have been vaccinated!!!!"
Dad: "you'll be fine, there's just a little bit of swelling, also it's no where near your tonsils!!!" (ok, it WAS my tonsils, but nvm that!)
Jie: flu (although a smarter comment than my mum's!)
Dad2:"could you be pregnant?" (oh I dunno....maybe! *pffftt*)
Linda:"that's pretty normal Chinese people get that all the time, just stop talking for a few days, and it'll go away!"(*rolls eyes*)
DOCTOR: "yeh I think you've got tonsilitis" (you don't say!? amazing that....I'm not so stupid after all!)
~unfortunately I don't get to have them ripped out ( had a little argument with my doctor over this....I was like....well if I get rid of them, then my body can create more antibodies and fight bacteria more effectively, unfortunately he doesn't believe this...he knows of the theory but doesn't think it's true...anyway I don't care, that's one less surgery I need) - good thing I went today and not like next week, and good thing I made myself throw up the second day, because had I not...it'd be Glandular fever (or should I say in my doctor terms "infectious mononucleosis" lol:p) by now. but yeh....the interesting thing is, he said I probably got it because I've been working too hard! God, can't believe this!!! It's true I've been working my arse off the last few weeks...but still didn't know you could get sick from working too hard...and it's not like I haven't been resting etc...I've been getting like 10hrs sleep! Anyway, I'll just treat it with Penacillin and hope to god that by friday it's gone so I can work! anyway....I'm gonna go take a shower....but thought I'd just express how smart I am! lol!:p
Anyway, take care....
~mei~
- where::My Room
- feeling::
amused - listening to::MIKA~Happy Ending
Fuck this life
Fuck God if he even fucking exists, and if he does he's a prick
Fuck Nick for just leaving me here to be alone and live without him
and Fuck myself for not being better at dealing with this shit.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . >.<
- feeling::
ARRRGGGHHHH
I'll write back here maybe one day when I have actually had a sleep *rolls eyes".....
P.S. While I go listen to queen....you all should listen to Kate Miller Heidke's "Career Advice"....It's worth it...she's a bundle of fresh talent ready to be poured into the Aus music industry...
Gotta Love it....lol.....
"CAREER ADVICE" - Kate MILLER HEIDKE
I was having a bad week – I crashed the car and the cat carked it
Weighed myself outside Woolies and I’d put on 4 kilos
Arranged to meet an old friend for coffee
I poured my heart out – told her all about
Poor dead fluffy, and the bloody car, and did she think I should go on a diet?
She studied my face, trying to frame the words to say
Just the right blend of sympathy and advice
She took a big breath.
And looked into my eyes and she said:
You should go on Australian Idol!
Even if you don’t win, you’ll have a great time.
Don’t worry that you don’t look like a supermodel
They’re even letting fatties on there now so you should be fine.
I said ‘Thanks, I feel a lot better now’
Then I erased her number from my phone
I didn’t know how much we’d grown apart.
The very next day was my birthday.
No one called, except my grandma
And she was drunk, she just needed a lift home from the pub
Then that Sunday night, I went to dinner with my rellies
They said ‘Happy Birthday! Do you mind if we put the tv on?
It’s nearly the final of Australian Idol and
You should go on Australian Idol
You’re much prettier than her – she looks like a pudding
‘You’ll win it no worries love’ said my uncle
And I just turned and looked at him like he was something that I stood in.
And don’t get me wrong – if I turn on the tv and it’s on
I can’t stop watching. Even with the ads
Even with those two dickheads blabbing on between songs
I love to see their spirits crushed, their egos shattered
I love the ones that really suck in the first auditions
I love to watch them sob, their dreams in tatters
And I laugh while I eat my dinner
They’re crying in their 5-star hotel, and I’m cackling on my cack-brown couch
And it’s not that I am jealous, I’m not jealous, I’m not jealous.
The next Sunday, I had a pretty bad hangover
Feeling pretty grumpy
Sitting on the couch, eating Pringles feeling sorry for myself.
I flipped to Channel 10 and before I knew it I was watching a really short guy
Singing that really annoying song by Craig David.
Suddenly I rose to my feet – it must have been divine intervention
I saw the light in front of me, and I screamed!
Why am I watching Australian Idol? (God!)
Am I really reduced to this pitiful state? Jesus!
I may as well just head down to my local karaoke bar
Or better still just change to SBS.
You better believe it – I changed to SBS
So Marcia, Holden, whatever your name is…
Shove it up your ass!
- where::My BED (not asleep)
- feeling::
Fucked Out Of My Brain..ZOMBIE - listening to::These Are The Days Of Our Lives ~ Queen (Freddie's last ever vid before he died)
Shit*** Sorry....got a bit too emotional back there....I guess this'll probably be happening for a while....but at least I'm writing it down...infact I'm no where finished my ranting....so continue if u want, I'll put the rest under a cut:
Ok....sorry I need to go...but I'll update later....I didn't anticipate how much writing this journal entry would take out of me....apologies to those with little time on their hands that still read anyway....
love you guys....
xx
MEI
- where::Who knows where
- feeling::
LOST - listening to::silence
Actually I don't really feel like writing this journal afterall...sorry....I'll continue later...
88~
- feeling::
Aiya! - listening to::When You Were Young (The Killers)
